Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
