One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
