Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we're making bets on your personal life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
