also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
God, I missed his penis.
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