Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As shirtless as possible
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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