dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
