dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
