It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
