Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
