Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
