Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
