He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
