If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
