Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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