Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
