Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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