Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
