im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
