i love accidental penises.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
