My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
