fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
