You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
