So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
