she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
