I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
