Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
