just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
