Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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