You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
