i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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