i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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