You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He did a backflip because drugs
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
