Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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