The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
