Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
