Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
