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the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
