Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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