in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
