I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
