she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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