There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
