Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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