Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
