you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
