Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
