uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
