So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
