I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
