She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
