Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
